Friends,
In honor of the recent Father’s Day holiday, my husband Derrick has three tips for men walking through fertility journeys. Infertility affects husbands in many ways, as they often carry the heavy burden of supporting wives with broken hearts and their disappointment.
I’m so grateful for Derrick. He walked every step of the way with me, hand in hand, heart to heart.
Sharing his thoughts below on how to support your wife during infertility.
From My Husband’s Perspective.
Not enough material is out there to support women, much less men, who are going through difficulties trying to conceive. So, that’s why I decided to share my story and perspective. In this article, I’m going to share 3 tips for how I supported Rachel during our fertility journey while we waited to have our son. She told me these things meant a lot, afterward. So, I figured I’d share.
Admittedly, it took me a while to feel the effects of the diagnosis. I never believed that Rachel and I wouldn’t have a baby. I never lost hope. But I also never allowed myself to feel the subtle pain that was building over time until a video brought it out.
After about 2 years and several tried and failed medical treatments, Rachel and I saw a video testimony story on our church livestream, of a couple who had gone through a similar journey as us and conceived. After not crying or “feeling” anything but frustration during those previous 2 years, I broke down and bawled.
I felt like God was speaking directly to me and Rachel, offering hope and promise. I cried uncontrollably for like 20 minutes. I was a mess. Yet, I felt such relief, that I was able to feel. And that was good. Also, I was glad my wife saw that I could cry, lol.
So, here are the 3 tips I learned throughout the process to support my wife.
1. Listen.
If I didn’t feel something as strongly as my wife, I can still choose to listen, because I care, and that’s what she needs: a listening husband who cares.
I don’t have to try to fix everything. But simply listen, be there for her to pray, and support her.
2. Show Support
Show support by doing acts of service, gifts, or fun experiences. Often a fun time was a good way to take our minds off of the pain. We went on trips, enjoyed excellent restaurants and I brought home surprise gifts—little things to look forward to make life fun even with the heartache.
3. Research
Learn information about the problems we were facing, and don’t be afraid to suggest taking medical action.
One of our best decisions, which was my wife’s idea at first, was to take action. And I’m glad I agreed early on.
We knew a family was in our future. We had the means, by God’s grace. So, why not act now? And we’re so glad we did.
Once we made the decision, I made a point of understanding every step, every medication, and attending every appointment possible. We were in it together. I wasn’t a spectator, I was in the arena with her. I recall one appointment after we got our positive pregnancy test at our OBGYN. Our doctor was advising Rachel on an induction. I was attending and reviewed the case study on inductions beforehand. I was able to ask questions, and the OBGYN said no other husband had ever done that before. I looked at Rachel and she was beaming. She needed me to be there, in the thick of it, all of it, with her. And it was exactly where I wanted to be.
Hope this helps. Reach out any time. Love y’all.
Derrick
